BOOKS BY ANDREW HEATON
"If Bob Newhart cussed, he might have written this book. Inappropriately Human reads like a variety show in a book: wise, weird, and wildly funny. I loved it with my whole human heart."
- Heather Harper Ellett, author of Ain't Nobody Nobody
"I am told Andrew Heaton is human and I used to consider that likely until I read Inappropriately Human. The combination of clever humor, whip-smart observations and stellar writing seem improbable for a mere mortal. If you don't mind possibly supporting an alien intelligence or robot, then I highly recommend reading the 21 amazing stories in Inappropriately Human. You will enjoy it so much you will not mind the apocalypse that will inevitably ensue."
- Tom Merritt, Host of Sword and Laser and Daily Tech News Show.
“Probably the funniest paranormal coming of age novel to come out since that awful paperback about shiny vampires with mood swings.”
– The Clarion Bugle
“None of the awkward sex scenes in this book indicate that Andrew Heaton has ever actually had sex. I liked the stuff about werewolves, though.”
– The Creekside Gazette
“Reads like Garrison Keillor retelling something Stephen King cranked out before he sobered up.”
– Einhart Reviews
fRANK got abducted
Why do aliens travel thousands of light years just to vandalize cornfields? Would it hurt your feelings if UFO’s abducted your friends but not you? What, exactly, are extraterrestrials doing with cows? In this paranormal comedy about alien abductions a motley cast discovers just how and why Earth fits into the greater galaxy.
Frank doesn’t believe in aliens, and is scrambling to come up with logical reasons he keeps waking up in different states with his pants on backwards. His sister Hillary spots what appears to be a friend from college, but the man insists they have never met before. So do the next two doppelgangers she encounters. When one of these strange doubles tries to kidnap Frank, they must piece together how a serial killer, an extraterrestrial romance, and Frank’s intergalactic colonoscopies connect to a larger alien plot. And by doing so discover that aliens are just as bumbling as the human beings they suck up in spaceships.
Happier AS werewolves
Fresh out of college and armed with a research grant, Saul Heinrich heads to the backwoods of his home state to look for Bigfoot. While camping near his grandfather’s vineyard he learns that the forest is populated by wolves—unusually clever ones. He discovers a nearby town where malt shops, milkmen, and the 1950’s never stopped. Along with his lecherous grandfather and mysterious girlfriend, Saul must navigate wolfmen and gun-toting rednecks to discover the secret uniting an entire town to werewolves.
Laughter Is Better Than Communism
“Andrew Heaton’s savagely funny work on contemporary American democracy is a treasury of political satire. His regular sterling wit and pithy insights are combined with his own unique brand of cartoons, which, as he describes, “are about what I would have produced in my childhood, had I started drinking that early.” He expertly wields his humor to tackle standard libertarian irritants, from indignity over needing a Segway license, to the spectacular failure of cupcake regulation, farm bills, the Drug War, and social intolerance. Heaton tackles his subjects with a fresh and upbeat attitude, as if Dave Barry were running for Congress.”
– Last House Standing Books